


Boozicals the musicals part deux (JELLO SHOTS)

by Stormysaslytherin



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bingo, Can you (k)not, Drunken Shenanigans, Eyebrows, F/M, Gen, M/M, Magic Stiles, Minor Character Death, Time Travel, Wake Up Married, and a few others that won't be tagged, because you shouldn't be able to search, boozicals the musicals, cause we do that, coffee shop AU, creepy stalky derek, for those drunken oneliners, it did kinda happen, its a prompt not a thing that happened, prompts based on moods, unedited nonsense, were!stiles, written while drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 17:22:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1046490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormysaslytherin/pseuds/Stormysaslytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six ficlets written while playing drunk fanfic bingo!</p>
<p>Day 1: 1. Minor character death 2. Time travel 3. Wake up married 4. Were!Stiles 5. Creepy Stalky Derek 6. Coffee Shop AU.<br/>Day 2: 1. Magic stiles 2. Drunken shenanigans 3. Can you (K)not 4. Eyebrows</p>
<p>I don't know what all these are because booze was involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [otatop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/otatop/gifts), [JoulesIsIronic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoulesIsIronic/gifts).



> This is unbetaed and unedited for the most part so read at your own risk.
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

1\. Minor Character Death

Stiles couldn’t believe he was actually gone. No more threats or violent looks, no more nagging or bitching. Jackson had been a royal douchetool but Stiles doesn’t have anyone to engage him anymore, no one to trade witty remarks with (well witty on his part). The halls are eerily silent in the absence of it star lacrosse player. No one talks too loudly and everyone seems dazed by yet another tragedy sweeping Beacon Hills. Stiles almost missed the snide comments that flowed uncontrollable from Jackson’s person.

It’s the hardest seeing Lydia. She had held him as he died. A ghost haunted these halls but it wasn’t jackson’s. Stiles never thought he would see her in sweatpants, was surprised that she even owned them. Without her beloved makeup, everyone could tell just how much sleep she was actually getting and Stiles had found her with staring at the board with blank eyes in chemistry for near on a week after it happened.

He doesn’t mean to find her, he was just headed to the bathroom, mostly to escape Harris and his endless assholery. She is huddled in a back staircase just out of view of Jackson’s old locker, now decorated with cards and notes suggesting that he was beloved and not the torment of most kids in this school. Stiles sits down next to her thinking of how he had needed a friend in the aftermath of his mother’s death. She leans into him like she has been waiting for him. He doesn’t say anything just holds her as she cries for what Stiles thinks may be the first time since it happened.

They sit there until the bell rings and people flood the halls. Lydia squeezes his hand and is gone before anyone can see her. Stiles doesn’t follow. He knows better.

 

 

2\. Time Travel

Derek is cold. It isn’t uncomfortable, more like a state of being that doesn’t concern him. He has shut the door in the face of 12 different caroling groups, 3 neighbors bringing cookies and/or fruitcakes. Who knew he had neighbors? His phone has 4 missed calls from Scott, 5 from Isaac, 2 from Peter and 20 from Stiles. That kid is going to drive him up the wall. His phone is currently vibrating in the snow 3 stories down from the small hole in the window which was created when Derek threw it.

He gets comfy on the couch with ramen and a blanket. The windows rattle and frost completely. The lights fail and he spills his ramen on the floor of his living room. “Fucking Christmas.”

“Is that any way to talk.” Derek jumps. No one surprises the alpha. He may have growled but he recognizes the figure as real as himself. Laura.

“Come on little brother. I got things to remind you of and your moping is not a good look on you no matter what Stiles thinks.”

He takes her hand in shock because Laura is here. Except here isn’t his loft. It is the warm and loud Christmas that was the Hale house. His mother laughs and dances with his father and even Peter looks happy. His family surrounds him and he feels a warmth in his heart that isn’t supposed to be there anymore. His grandmother pinches his cheek and coos at him for being so big and strong now.

“Laura, why did you show me this. I don’t want to miss them any more than I already do. You don’t have to remind me of what I did and what I lost.”

“Shut up little brother and just pay attention.”

Too soon he is swept away back to his loft. Laura laughs at the sick look on Derek’s face. “Never did like rollercoasters, did you, Derek?”

They are at Scott’s house in a flash. Scott and Stiles are laughing at Mariokart while Isaac brought a round of hot chocolate to Allison, and Lydia on the couches. Allison complains that the boys are hogging the game but Isaac laughs and tells her it’s because she wins too much for Scott’s ego to handle.

“They are allowed to have a nice Christmas, Laura. They don’t want me there. I’ll just ruin it.”

Laura smacks him upside the head. “You weren’t always an idiot, bro.” She holds up his phone and shows 33 missed calls over the last two hours. As the game of mariokart ends, Stiles pulls his phone out and steps away from the game. The phone in Laura’s hand buzzes again.

“Don’t be a moron. Let’s go.”

“What more could you show me? That I will die alone and with no one to mourn me?”

Laura huffs.

They do appear in a graveyard. Written on the stone is Derek Hale. He is surrounded by the gravestones of his family but the name next to his says Stiles with a witty “even in death he was talking.” Stiles died a week and a half before Derek, 68 years from now. A family is standing around the site with flowers and tears. Derek is confused at first.

“Laura?”

“That’s your family Derek. Scott and Allison’s two kids, Isaac’s son, and their families. And the tall dark and pretty one over there with the three youngster’s. She’s your daughter, those are your’s and Stiles’ grandchildren.”

“Take me back.”

“Finally.”

~

There is a knock on the door as Allison kicks Isaac’s ass in mariokart again. “Reigning Queen.” Scott kisses her as the sheriff and Ms. McCall wonder in. Stiles grabs the door and is surprised to find a snow covered Derek.

“Sorry I’m late.” He has 3 fruit cakes and 4 boxes of cookies.

“You are right on time,” Stiles smiles. “To get your ass handed to you in Mariokart.”

 

 

3\. Wake up married

They didn’t mean to cross the faeries. It really wasn’t intentional. So Stiles said not to walk into the magic circle of glowing light and Derek did anyway. When had Derek ever listened to Stiles’ advice? So Derek told Stiles to stay back and wait and Stiles followed him anyway. When had Stiles ever listened to Derek?

Stiles wakes up with the worst headache ever. It feels like his head wants to explode in a pile of C4 and knives. It’s so bad that Stiles can’t actually move in any productive manner, so he just flounders on the hard ground.

Hands grip his arms and hold him down until his flailing subsides. Which it does eventually, but it feels like hours have passed. Derek is standing over him when his eyes aren’t forced into the back of his head. There might be concern on his face but it’s quickly replaced with a scowl, “I told you to wait.”

“And I told you not to go through the light circle of doom, asshole,” Stiles retorts.

“I knew what I was doing,” Derek grumbles.

“Being a selfsacrificing asshat? Yeah, I knew you were doing that too.” Stiles pushes himself up. “But do you happen to know what a glowing circle in a field of fucking wild grass and white flowers is for?”

Derek looks at him blankly.

“It’s a wedding ritual, dumbass. You were going to get married to a fucking faerie. Not the cute little women with wings, no the fucking venomous razor teeth green haired pixies.”

“So where are these creatures so we can kill them?” Derek looks around. “And why did you enter the circle?”

“Because if two people enter the circle with certain intentions it binds them to each other instead,” Stiles makes an uncomfortable face and rubs his hair.

“So marriage, that makes sense.” Derek stops scanning the forest and turns slowly to look at Stiles. “What ‘certain intentions’ did you mean?”

“Well, you see… I didn’t figure you would want to a faerie bride so I kind of…” Stiles forced a mumble out before turning away.

“What did you do?”

“I entered with the intention of marrying you. Are you happy now?”

“What the ever loving fuck Stiles?! I can handle myself you don’t need to sacrifice yourself for me.”

“Faeries or me and you would have the faeries? You know it doesn’t work if both people don’t care about each other. I couldn’t drag you into this circle without you wanting to go as well.”

“So what if I do… did?”

“Really? Holy fuck. I guess that’s great.”

“So what do we do now? Like how do we get out.”

“Sexy time?” Stiles says warily.

“Do we have too?” Derek looks concerned.

“If I said yes would you believe me?”

“No.”

 

 

4\. Were!Stiles

He finds out on a Wednesday afternoon. He doesn’t really react but then again he has to deal with everyone else’s reactions. According to his pack Stiles’ scent had been off for months now, a slightly sickly smell that is no longer covered up by the smell of medication and hyperactive energy. Derek and his dad are in the office with him. The doctor throws up some CAT scans and sits down with a sigh.

He has his mother’s disease, a cancer eating away at his brain. It most likely caused his constant headaches, inability to sleep and every other symptom the doctors have attributed to ADD. Derek just sits quietly, staring at the mass in Stiles brain on the images. His dad actually leaves the room for a minute. Only Stiles sits there quietly, taking in the news, allowing it to soak into his diseased brain. Stage four. There’s nothing they can do. Chemo is a long shot but the only chance he has.

His health declines rapidly until Derek is helping him in and out of chairs, up the stairs and to the bathroom. He doesn’t eat because he doesn’t want to and when he does everything comes up anyway.

He is asleep on the couch when a shout disturbs him. He doesn’t sleep much anymore. He remains still trying to fall back asleep. The voices hush and he hears Derek come into the room. A hand brushes hair back from his forehead and Derek leaves again.

Derek and his father start talking again. Stiles listens.

“Will it help him? They say he doesn’t have too much longer.”

“That or kill him.” Derek’s voice is hushed and harsh.

“He’s already dying and I can’t do this again. I can’t lose him to the same thing that I lost his mother.”

“I don’t know if he wants it.”

“Please Derek.”

“If he wants it.”

They stop talking.

Derek wonders in and sits on the edge of the couch.

Stiles opens his eyes and takes Derek’s hand. “My answer is yes.”

Derek looks confused and then bows his head. “Are you sure?”

“’Course Der. Don’t want to lose you,” Stiles whispers.

“Ok.” Derek leans forward and takes Stiles’ hand, kisses his palm and bites his wrist. There is fear in his eyes and he cradles Stiles’ hand.

“It’s ok Derek. Doesn’t hurt.”

“Try to get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Stiles wakes up and for the first time in months doesn’t feel like death. Derek is curled around him on the small couch sleeping. In the reflection of the tv Stiles can see the gold in his eyes and his fangs extend. He has facial hair which is alarming but he feels calm and at peace and in love and hungry. He gently wiggles until he can nip at Derek’s neck, smelling what he has been feeling for the past five years.

Derek wakes up and inhales deeply. Almost still asleep, he looks like he is in a dream he doesn’t want to leave.

“Wake up or I am taking my first run as a werewolf without you.” Stiles pokes Derek’s chest.

Derek’s eyes open fully. He inhales again and then buries his face in Stiles’ neck, breathing deeply to the point of hyperventilation.

“You smell so good,” Derek mumbles.

“Not too bad yourself, big boy.” Stiles kisses him. “I’m going to go wake up my dad.”

 

 

5\. Creepy Stalky Derek

Stiles keeps getting notes. They are cute at first, little “thinking of you” scrawled on pieces of paper for him to find. They take a strange turn when he finds them in his duffel bag after practice or under his coaster at a restaurant. The notes themselves move from sweet and considerate to things that make Stiles look over his shoulder in a crowded room. “I’ve got my eye on you,” “Have a nice burger,” and “you shouldn’t leave your jeep unlocked” are just a few of the more sketchy notes that Stiles receives.

He doesn’t notice anyone following him but then again he would attract a world class stalker. He wakes up to “you talk in your sleep” scrawled in sharpie on his hand. Stiles uses every trick he knows to wash it off before his dad can see it. He locks his door and all the windows for the next few nights. Two days later, he finds a note in the seam of his pajama pants after he stumbled into the bathroom. It simply says “BATMAN.” He burns the pajamas. Sorry, Batman.

Scott invites him over one night and Stiles thinks maybe this will be his chance to escape the insanity. He climbs into his jeep and tosses his bag in the back, having gone through it several times to make sure there are no notes to find when he gets to Scott’s. Stiles lets himself in and moves to pull out the xbox he had so carefully wrapped in his close. Nothing can hurt his baby, he means his xbox. He plugs the device in and pulls out the games he brought. He pops open mariokart and a note falls out. “I like it when you play as toad.” Stiles screams.

Scott comes barreling in from the kitchen to see what’s wrong but Stiles waves him off. The xbox whirs to life as Stiles crushes the note and throws it in his bag. The cd port on the xbox slides open ominously. Stiles creeps forward and Tekken rests in the holder, a note tapped to it. “You forgot this, have fun at Scott’s.”

Stiles is hyperventilating when Scott comes back with chips and cookies and soda. The food is placed down as Scott grabs Stiles’ face, warding off the ensuing panic attack. Stiles brushes off the problem as having almost forgotten mariokart and Scott gives him a weird look but lets it slide.

The night proceeds as usual but Stiles just can’t get the creepy feeling off his skin. He asks Scott if he can take a shower before sprinting upstairs. He jumps under the spray and lets it beat on his skin, the glass door fogging up around him. He reaches for Scott’s soap because he knows it should be just to his right. It isn’t there.

He opens his eyes and looks around. A new bottle is sitting on the opposite ledge. A note on it simply states “They were out of soap.” It isn’t Scott’s brand.

Stiles slips and knocks himself out.

He comes to on Scott’s bed, Ms. McCall standing over him checking his pulse. She gives him a disapproving look and tells him he might have a concussion and the he can’t sleep for a while. Scott offers to monitor him and she leaves the room.

Scott asks Stiles if he wants to tell him anything. Stiles looks out Scott’s window to avoid the question. Red eyes are glowing brightly through the panes and a shadow disappears. Stiles might faint.

 

 

6\. Coffee Shop AU

The new hire is a fucking hipster. And it couldn’t get any more clichéd then that. He said he had worked at Starbucks, ‘practically’ which Derek took to mean he got coffee there every day for some exorbitant amount of money. Derek had worked here for 3 years thank you very much and this little shit was walking around like he thought coffee was cool before everyone else did. It’s fucking coffee you little shit, it’s been cool (or rather hot if Derek says so himself) since before the kid was born.

Derek spends the first day attempting to train the kid who just nods and says I know how to make coffee. Derek sighs and glares and his sister for hiring imbeciles. Stiles is the kids name though he assures Derek it’s because no one could actually pronounce his really name. Derek leaves as soon as his shift is over.

Laura sticks them together again in the morning making cookies and baked goods. Stiles talks about the thrift store down the street being too popular and mentions that he won’t shop there because all the good clothes will be gone. If Derek’s dough gets an extra rough kneading it really isn’t his fault. Stiles proceeds to burn the first and second batch of cookies because he doesn’t need a timer because he can totally keep track of 15 minutes in his head, like his mental clock is that good.

Derek has a daydream about force feeding Stiles all his burnt cookies. The muffins end up as duds because Stiles doesn’t think adding eggs was very nature friendly, telling Derek to think about the baby chickens. Derek takes an early break that may involve a bit of alcohol because screw Laura’s rules.

After he wonders back in a half hour later, he sees a huge line of customers. Stiles has almost literally blown up the espresso machine and is telling customers that they don’t really have style when they were department store sweaters.

Derek fixes the espresso as Laura straights out the front counter. Everyone leaves with a free cookie to accompany their coffee and Stiles shrugs, suggesting that maybe a more up-to-date machine wouldn’t break down as much.

This kid was actually driving Derek to mad. After the shop closed at noon, he begins to clean the kitchen because Stiles leaves a disaster in his wake. The kid strolls in and hops up on the counter like they don’t cook food there all the time.

Derek is two seconds from murder but he only fumes silently because Laura would have his head if he committed murder in their kitchen.


	2. Day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More drinking more ficcing
> 
> Prompts: 1. Magic stiles 2. Drunken shenanigans 3. Can you (K)not 4. Eyebrows
> 
> Plus three that I can't even mention because I was too intoxicated to write things. So they are really unedited this time and unbetaed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy.

1\. Magic stiles

The power is pulsing through him and it feels like his nerves are on fire. Deaton said it would hurt and that Stiles would want to die. The things you do for your friends.

Deaton had sent him home with a jar full of baby puke green contents and Stiles could definitely see a twig and a clump of hair floating in the viscous fluid. It had smelled like ass and tasted like the worst kind of vomit, like Mexican mixed with too much shitty whiskey that had decided to revolt in his stomach.

The effects had been immediate though. Stiles had sat down as soon as the jar was empty, Derek hovering over him afraid to touch.

Now Stiles feels like a live wire, frayed at the edges and full of lightning. He wants to writhe on the bed to release this energy inside him, but he needs it. He knows he is whimpering because the room seems to echo it in surround sound. Derek tries to touch him but the smell of burning flesh is the only thing that registers in Stiles mind as the alpha pulls his hand away.

The power collects in him right behind his eyes and he swears they are going to explode when Stiles can see again. His eyes fly open and a clearing lies ahead. Its dark and the full moon shines eerily through the branches overhead.

His pack is lying in a circle on the ground, unconscious and unknowing. There is blood soaking the grass. The witch takes a blade to Scott’s neck and starts to mumble her spell, raising the gleaming blade.

As the knife descends, Stiles screams and the clearing bursts into blinding light and rage.

He comes to in his room with his pack surrounding him. It’s been three days.

 

 

2\. Drunken shenanigans

Derek carries Stiles to the car. It was the only way to get the kid to leave. He could hear the Jungle’s loud music and stomping feet through the back door even over Stiles’ protests to put him down. The amount of alcohol this kid consumed, it is surprising that he is even able to fight Derek. Stiles did drink at least two guys under the table and they had been pretty large.

Stiles had bet them that he could drink more than both of them or they could have his pretty little ass for the night, which may have been the 3 beers talking. The men had chosen whiskey as if Stiles would be opposed to the taste and there for give up. Stiles had taken a few shots immediately and smiled at them in challenge.

Needless to say, Derek was now dealing with a particularly drunk Stiles.

“Come on Stiles, let’s get you home,” Derek mumbled as he tucked the kid in the front seat of the camero.

“Why did you make me leave? Those guys totally wanted me.” Stiles is staring intently at his hand which bears two names and numbers in pen.

“They too drunk to do anything. You weren’t getting laid Stiles. I’m pretty sure you have alcohol poisoning.” Derek turns the key and the car rumbles to life.

“You were just jealous.”

Derek is silent.

“You are. You want to kiss me. You want to love me. You want to f…” Derek growls.

Stiles looks away from his hand at Derek. “Wait? What?”

Derek huffs and pulls out of the parking lot.

Stiles grins all the way home.

 

 

3\. Can you Knot

Stiles is a fucking tease. He dropped his pen and now he is bending over in Derek’s loft, ass squeezed tightly into those tan skinny jeans. He finally finds it after crawling under the table, careless of how he looks to anyone else. Derek breathes because he cannot be having these feelings.

The kid finds his pen and sits up in his chair. His plaid shirt has ridden up his middle, showing off a short expanse of creamy skin and Derek might have to wipe a little drool off his chin. This fucking boy is making him want to do horrible nasty things to his body.

Stiles runs his hands through his hair, clutching at the tips, he moans in frustration at whatever homework he has deemed necessary to do right in front of Derek. The moan shoots straight to parts of   
Derek that he can’t think about because a jerk off session is not possible right now and fuck Stiles is right there he might not be able to help himself.

“Can you not?” Stiles growls at him.

Derek is startled by the question. “Yes, well only in certain circumstances but yeah.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What are you talking about?” Derek replies defensively.

“I asked you first, but I really just wanted the groaning to stop. It is really distracting.”

“I… uh… nothing.” Derek runs from the room.

 

 

4\. Eyebrows

“Dammit I need your eyebrows,” Stiles shouts.

Derek pauses in their argument because he is wolfed out and pissed off. “What the fuck, Stiles?”

“You don’t have eyebrows and I need them to communicate with you.”

“What? My eyebrows?” Derek reaches up and brushes his forehead as if he will find something attached to it like a parasite.

“Yeah. When you wolf out you lose your eyebrows and they are basically your emotions in physical form.” Stiles huffs and shrugs.

Derek shifts back because his confusion outweighs his anger.

“Oh thank God.” Stiles looks relieved but still angry.

“This doesn’t change my decision, Stiles.” Derek  huffs.

“Well at least now I can fucking understand what you mean.” Stiles rolls his eyes.

“My eyebrows don’t go anywhere. They are right fucking here. I don’t know what your problem is.” Derek rubs his forehead self-consciously.

“Go look at yourself in a mirror wolfie,” Stiles growls. And then storms away.

 

 

 

5\. Mates

Derek loves to fuck Stiles cause Mates.

 

 

6\. Scenting

Cause derek loves stiles’ smells and he want the d. otatop wants the d for Christmas. Except I don’t have a d so I can’t give her the d. a vibrator would be nice.

 

 

7\. cute fuzzy puppy kitten

It is Isaac that is the story cause he is a puppy.

 


End file.
